I read the book The Girls Who Went Away over a year ago, but whenever I think about my adoption, its one of the first things that now pops into my head. Up until only about 6 years ago I was almost completely in the dark about my biological family. This is one instance where ignorance really can be bliss. The thought of looking in that closet that has been closed and dark since birth is frightening at best. Well, I finally did get the courage to look and what I found was absolutely wonderful–nothing akin to the boogie man my brother swore resided there for all my childhood. Once I stepped in and look around, I wanted to know everything. But what’s said about witnesses to history is true. You ask 10 people what happened and you will get 10 different stories.
Although I knew generally what the political and social climates were like in the 50’s and 60’s, The Girls Who Went Way still provides some great first hand insight into what happened to our birth mothers. No matter what anyone said, they could not convince me that the most important person in my life did not abandon me. This book confirms that, in most cases, our mothers did not have a choice, and, of course, neither did we. These were not just teenage mothers. Some of these women were well into their 20’s and I imagine that age really wasn’t a factor anyway. There were no open adoptions for a number of reasons. It is still nearly impossible to get the records unsealed. So, in many instances, we still don’t have the choice. I recommend this book for anyone in the adoption community. Particularly as a good history lesson. http://www.thegirlswhowentaway.com/
My biological mother wasn’t forced or coerced by anyone to give me up as were many of the women in the book. However, because of the shame and stigma attached to pregnancies out of wedlock, she really was. She never told her family she was pregnant or had given birth. She saw no other way out for herself or me. This was, of course, before Roe v. Wade. Being here today, I am thankful for that. I would have respected her choice, if she had one. Although I guess I wouldn’t be here to do that . . .
If you know of other good books on this topic, I’d be interested to know about them.
Teri said,
July 5, 2008 at 12:24 am
As a reunited birth mother I can only add that I spent 21 years mourning the loss of a daughter I had to give up for adoption. I was 22 when she was born and because the adoption was privately done through my doctor the hospital had a policy that I had to take her out of the hospital. Holding her was painful and handing her over to her new mother was heartbreaking. It nearly killed me. When she was 15 I wrote a song for her, fully expecting her to show up on my doorstep someday. It is called “Child I Cannot Claim” and there is a video of it on my website with the daughter I raised singing about the daughter I couldn’t. This song gives comfort to adoptees I’ve been told and speaks to the hearts of birth mothers. I hope you enjoy it. http://www.AdoptionRecords.com
Teri